Dance Like No One’s Going To Put It On Youtube

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Hi. I’m going to keep it simple and safe until I get my own site up and running. Here are some Facebook statuses. 

People accuse me of speaking my mind far too often. But in actuality if I did that I would have nothing to say.

I just got busted pissing in the bathroom sink. Talk about embarrassing.

Dear Hollywood. I really don’t like what you’re doing with vampires and schizophrenia.

Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.

I might stop going to the gym to burn calories. It takes less effort to set a fat kid on fire.

Oh lovely. The T and G keys are wayyyyyyyy too close together on the keyboard. I’ve been sending out letters to potential employers all day and ending them in “Regards”.

Last night I was laying down looking at the stars. Ordinarily that would make me feel tranquil but I was relishing in the sheer panic of wondering what the fuck happened to the roof of my house.

WTF?! You kidding me?! FINE! T-E-I-A-M! There is now!

DO NOT read this Facebook status.

“The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” ~ Jimi Hendrix

I have an oven with a ‘stop time’ button. It’s probably meant to be ‘stop timer’ but I don’t touch it, just in case.

Dance like no one’s going to put it on Youtube.

 

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Posted by: Doug Hell on