Heart Of Darkness

Welcome back Doug Hell!!

Ok so I spent about a year and a half trying to “be a better person”.  Well I don’t know if that’s what you would call it.  I left Facebook.  I uhhh I don’t know.  I think I did other nice guyly kinda things.  Maybe I didn’t.  I live far, far away.  I got fit.  Got unfit.

I decided that I like the way I was.  All being “nice” did for me was get people thinking they could treat me like a punk.  It also made general idiots and remedial peons think that they were welcome in my presence.  The “nicer” I was, the more I found myself surrounded by fucking idiots and stupid bitches.  I even started censoring my blogs.  I even went as far as deleting all the dredging and negativity.  What did that accomplish?  It made my blogs boring.

So how about this?  Fuck you all.  No.  Really.  Fuck you all.  NO more censorship.  No more balloon juice.  I’m not a nice guy.  I’m a high-strung, predominately sarcastic, narcissistic, irritable jerk.  Don’t like it?  Suffer.  It has served me well.  It keeps idiots away from me.  The only people who are in my life are fucking awesome.  And that’s because I’m real.  I don’t posture.  My friends love me.  They love me because they know I have their back.  They love me because they know I will never lie or sugar coat no matter the cost.  They love me because I will fight their battles.

Also, being “nice” gave people I used to play in a band with this crazy idea I was some sort of gutless feeb.  That went over well.  Needless to say I’m not playing with those jokers anymore.  I’m done playing music with spineless cumstains who can’t rehearse without the aid of substances.  Before you all start crying, I don’t care if you enjoy a beer or the reefer.  I don’t care if you like a toot of cocaine.  I was once that person.  But if you’re fortunate enough to have a gifted prodigy like myself in the band then you better fucking behave.  Don’t waste my time.

God it feels good to be back.  Speaking of back, I’m also back in Green Jelly.  On VOCALS.  Hells yeah!  NO more lugging gear.  AND I only have to play local shows.  AND I only have to sing Carnage Rules, Orange Krunch, and Fight.   So I get allllll the glory and get to keep my Green Jelly cred without having to drive more than an hour, or stay in hotel rooms.  I live a charmed life.

I have some great new Doug Hell material good to go but I’m hanging onto it.  Trole and I are going to do a record together.  I’m also playing bass on his new album.  Remember that whole thing I said about a charmed life?  I have ex-girlfriends getting lupus, or getting fat and doing nothing but play Facebook games, and here I am living dream after dream.  Karma’s a bitch, eh ladies?

I’m also working on a top secret music project.  Can’t say too much about it.  Only that it’s going to make me a lot wealthier and fulfilled.

Thanks for tuning in guys.

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