Standing Before Apparitions

Foo Fighters are the new Nickelback.

I hate the fucking Foo Fighters.  I fucking hate Dave Grohl.

Heaven forbid, I say that out loud.  I mean you just don’t say such things, right?  Especially in a bar.  You’re bound to offend a bunch of mendicants who had no intention of showing up to that very bar without engaging in some kinda verbal or physical confrontation.  Usually it’s just verbal, with the mere threat of physical.

But… but… but… Nirvana…  Fair point.  I used to love Dave Grohl as a drummer.  I liked him as the amiable and quietest member of Nirvana.  No, Kurt was not the quietest.  Don’t be fooled.

But… but… but… Everlong.  Another fair point.  Everlong was and is a great song.  Even worthy of being on a Top 100 of all time, somewhere.  I just don’t know where.

Since then, Foo Fighters have risen to be the most mediocre band on the planet.  They should be enjoying the same amount of success as an even better mediocre band like The Smithereens, which I happen to love.  The Foo Fighters would never have risen to fame if it weren’t for Dave’s success with Nirvana.

Dave likes to be Mr. Nice Guy.  The wannabe comedian is forever trying to make us laugh with his funny little videos and little skits.  But does that make him a great musician?  Just because the guy is famous and rich enough to be an asshole, and he’s not, it doesn’t mean he’s a great musician, or the part of a great band.  Just because we see his goofball mug popping up here and there, behind the drums of some other project, it doesn’t mean he’s the man.

Dave forgets where he came from.  It’s true.

Ok so this video isn’t what the title suggests.  Ol’ Buzz tells a story about Dave.  Watch the video.  Don’t be a mendicant.

How does everyone hate Nickelback but love Foo Fighters?  Every time I’m unfortunate enough to be near a radio I hear one of those bands.  It’s either Nickelback, or the Foo Fighters.  I liked a couple songs from Nickelback’s first couple albums.  Same with the Foos.  They’ve both exploded into international superstardom and are over-saturating the airwaves with formulaic rock debris.  Hell, Nickelback are even Canadian and that doesn’t buy them any leeway.

Dave makes everything about him.  Sound City?  All about him.  All about the Foos.  Sonic Highways?  All about him.  All about the Foos.  But mendicants don’t give a Frenchman’s fuck.  How can something so omnipresent actually be bad for you?

I don’t dispute that Dave is such a nice guy when he knows he’s being watched.  A lot of people are.  The Durham Region music scene has plenty of those.  Any music scene does.  But when the lights are out, there they are trying to fuck your girlfriend.

I’m sick of Dave’s shit.  Yay Dave for rick rolling the Westsomething fucking church.  Yay Dave for making sure you were on the drums when the Foos payed tribute to Zeppelin.  Yay Dave for spoofing Carrie when doing the ice bucket challenge.  Yay for denouncing anyone who doesn’t record with tape.  Yay for taking pot shots at hip-hop music when receiving a Grammy.  Yay for returning to a show after breaking your leg.

It’s nice to have money.  You can create these cute little spoofy movies.  You can say or do anything you want and cutely grin about it.  Or you can pretend you have a big announcement to make when you’re not quite getting enough attention.  Only to not announce anything and provide us with another cute little spoofy movie.

But they’re so great live, right?  Right?

They are playing bland formulaic rock debris.  They are a five-piece band.  Yay.  Fucking impressive.  And for someone who claims to not liking to talk between songs, he sure does a fuck of a lot of it.  It’s never anything important.  Just the usual cut-rate comedy you’d expect from the guy at the bar who doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up.

The Foo Fighters are irrelevant.  Anyone who wants to be taken seriously and be a Foo Fighters fan, is irrelevant.

You may be the odd exception though.  Because you’re here.



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4 Comments so far:

  1. Matt says:

    I’m here. I’m the exception. (and you need a “like” button on these pages…). Cheers!

  2. Mitch Buck says:

    Missed your blog entries. Cant wait for the pant shitting and people vomit.

    • Doug Hell says:

      Thanks Mitch. I’m back. For a while I felt I had to censor myself to protect Queen Hell’s career. But it’s become abundantly clear that it doesn’t make any difference and by censoring myself, I am stepping on my own career.

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