Near-Life Experience

Tomorrow was such a long time ago.

I’m fucking demented.  It’s becoming more clear every day.

I am ready to die.

This is not me being melodramatic.  I’m not suicidal.  I’m not depressed.  I’m just done.  There is nothing left I want to do in life.  I’ve exceeded all my expectations.  I survived my past.

My body is failing me.  I passed a stone a month ago and have been walking with a cane ever since.  I can’t even tell when I have to pee any more.

Psychologically I am at an all-time low.  My inability to function socially has made it almost impossible to do what I love to do.  Play music. I’ve become literally fucking useless.  I don’t aspire to do anything in life at all but stay in my room.  I don’t do anyone any good.  Everything I touch turns to shit.

There is only one thing left to do.  I need to find a way to help people.  If I can’t manage in my own life I need to find a way to help other’s lives become more manageable.  There are people who need help.  There are people who need love.  I have a lot of love to give.  But of course that would mean human interaction.  I’m getting worse at it.  I really am.

Share Button

One comment so far:

  1. George says:

    JESUS Christ you idiot! Why don’t you call me for fuck sake’s?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Posted by: Doug Hell on