Tomorrow was such a long time ago.
I’m fucking demented. It’s becoming more clear every day.
I am ready to die.
This is not me being melodramatic. I’m not suicidal. I’m not depressed. I’m just done. There is nothing left I want to do in life. I’ve exceeded all my expectations. I survived my past.
My body is failing me. I passed a stone a month ago and have been walking with a cane ever since. I can’t even tell when I have to pee any more.
Psychologically I am at an all-time low. My inability to function socially has made it almost impossible to do what I love to do. Play music. I’ve become literally fucking useless. I don’t aspire to do anything in life at all but stay in my room. I don’t do anyone any good. Everything I touch turns to shit.
There is only one thing left to do. I need to find a way to help people. If I can’t manage in my own life I need to find a way to help other’s lives become more manageable. There are people who need help. There are people who need love. I have a lot of love to give. But of course that would mean human interaction. I’m getting worse at it. I really am.