You’re god damn right I would hurt a fly. Right now I have a team of scientists working on a torture gauntlet for mosquitoes that doesn’t involve a giant cow carcass to attract them. That’s the hardest part. Where would I go for said mosquitoes? Fucking Beaverton. That’s where. That disgusting little devil town is full of them. You got all the amenities a libertine would love. Crooked real-estate agents. You have a hard partying mayor and his opportunistic gory wife. You have the ex-cop neighbour across the street who engages in town drama to detract from his obesity and cheating wife. I could go on. In fact i would if I wasn’t so busy being knee deep in living my fucking life!
Fuck Beaverton. Burn it to the ground.
Let’s get back to the hate. Today is a hate day. Everyone so often I get some half-baked hippy type trying to show me the err of my hateful words. While these hippies have some validity in the things they say, I call bullshit. How entertaining would this blog be if I wrote about nothing but sunshine and flowers? I am an entertainer. I love this blog. It keeps me from having to leave my room to actually entertain.
Do you think I actually enjoy going out to a bar and be around people who drink to make their shitty lives more manageable? Sure! I love playing my guitar for a bunch of assholes who are just going to talk over my whole set anyway. I want to be in the same room as a bunch of losers who can’t be bothered to floss their teeth but have no problem talking to you three inches from your face.
This blog is my life. I can entertain from the comforts of my own home (such as it is). It is this blog, where I can lie to liars, steal from thieves, stand up to bullies, make good people laugh, make bad people scowl, and leave everyone else guessing and trying to figure me out.
Hate is ok. It really is. It all depends on how you channel and harness that hate. I’d rather hate healthily than give myself ulcers trying to pretend that I’m not hateful with an insincere smile on my face that I think is pissing everyone off. You know it’s not hard to tell when someone is smiling through clenched teeth.
Let’s talk about things I hate.
I’m pretty straightforward about my mental illness and personality defects. There’s nothing worse than telling someone that I am mentally ill and they respond by telling me they believe everyone is mentally ill to an extent. Fuck me. Oh is that so? I’ll tell you right now that I am ten times the fucking badass you are because if you ever experienced what I do daily, you would crawl under a rock and cry. Hur hur hee hee everyone is mentally ill to an extent!
I hate people who chew loud. I hate people who fart out loud. I hate people who belch out loud. I don’t even care if you excuse yourself. You’re a rude and ignorant piece of shit. That is the best you can do to be the center of attention. You’ve got nothing else. How does that feel for you? All the aforementioned transgressions are not funny. Have some fucking respect for the people around you. I know this will only encourage you to do this when you see me in public. This is great for you. Now you know how you can finally piss me off. Go to town, you original cunts.
I hate people who rely on alcohol. I am not talking about people who can drink responsibly and behave. I am talking about the people who can’t get through their shitty day without it. But even more so the people who turn into fucktards when they drink, and continue to do so knowing there is a chance they’ll be fucktarded. Cowards. All of you. Congratulations. You get hammered to escape your own miserable life and make the lives of others miserable in the process. Rock on, you pathetic waste of life.
I HATE bullies. You would think a guy my size would never get bullied. You would think wrong. I’m a target everywhere I go because of my size. Hey look at the big guy! I’m gonna fuck with him. I am drunk and feeling no fear. Wait till my friends see how much of a big man I am. Maybe that ugly slut I’ve been giving party eyes to all night will want to fuck me if I take a round out of this guy. Yeah that’s right. It happens. It hasn’t been so bad since I’ve been walking with a cane but it still happens. Bullies suck in general. There’s not a whole lot you can do about them other than stand up to them. Support groups and counselling will not help this generation of pussies. Be loud. Draw attention to their bullshit. At times I will scream melodramatically for my mother or something else ridiculous. It will draw unwanted attention to them. And for every bully in a bar, there is the idiot vigilante who doesn’t want to save the day as much as get into a donnybrook themselves. Let the vigilante and bully figure it out. But I’ve never ever seen a bully prosper who has been stood up to.
Ok I gotta slow it down. I’ve written too much. Way more than I’m comfortable with. I have a pack of dry Mr. Noodles with my name on it. You all have a wonderful day.