Great news Doug Addicts! Check the VIDEOS section! I just uploaded a bunch of stuff. There will be a lot more to come. I’m so fascinating. Stop hating on me for being so fascinating. Find a way to be fascinating yourself.
I’ve been advised by my manager to stop referring to myself as the greatest songwriter in the world. He didn’t explain why. Nor does he need to. I get it. Act like a cocky asshole and people won’t even give you a chance regardless of how brilliant your art is. Well, except me maybe. Because I am an anomaly. I am honourable and objective. Maybe the only one alive.
Let me explain this whole me being the greatest songwriter alive thing. I don’t write for other people. I don’t write for money. I write exactly what my ears need to hear to remain engaged. That’s all. No one does it better than me. There is not one artist out there among my favourites who get it right every time. I get it right every time. The Creeps have written some of the best songs I’ve heard in my life. But they also wrote Ready Roll, All The Way Home, and Bullets At Ghosts. I could go on about a bunch of other bands and their songs but that would detract from my favourite subject. We all know who and what that is.
On the weekend I saw one of my many, many nemeses. We had a good talk. And I do mean good. I enjoyed it from front to back. Some people suggested to me that I was being fake because I was being nice to someone I didn’t like. What the fuck is wrong with people? That is not being fake. That is being polite. I shared common interests with this person. We talked about them without killing each other. We were cordial. What the fuck is wrong with that? I don’t care what kind of spectacular asshole you are. I will be cordial with you if you can be cordial with me.
I’m really looking forward to a new chapter in my life and starting fresh where I haven’t burned any bridges.
It’s hard to explain to people in person to take this blog for what it is. Satirical and entertainment value. I’m sure most of you imagine me writing this with a tail and fangs and typing with one hand while I ball my other into a fist and wave it. That’s not the case. This is just literature. It’s a blog. If you’re letting my blog ruin your day or form a derelict opinion of me because you’re too elite to know the real me, then you can go titfuck a fat guy.
I hope you’re all truly as happy as I am. All of you. Anger and ill-intent doesn’t do anyone any good.