Bonding With My Demons

I fucking love music.  Hell, I am music.  I don’t hate any band.  I think that just about every band has something good, somewhere.  You know that frustrated feeling you get when you ask someone in a bar what kind of music they like?  I find 90% of people will tell you they like EVERYTHING.  Well guess what, douche-nozzles?  I love it all.  I am going to list songs by bands you probably hate.  I may not necessarily be a big fan of the band but I do happen to love the song I am posting.  Get ready to cringe your ugly little faces off.

Woman In Love.  God damn I love this song to no end.  As a wee lad this played regularly and often in my house.  My mom had great taste in music.  She must have had ten million 8 tracks.  As long as my piece of shit abusive father wasn’t home, there was always music going.  This song hits all the right feels with me still some 37 years later.

You wanna talk about a fucking chorus that just soars?  I discovered this gem of a song one day when watching Watchmojo.  The category was Top Ten Comback Songs.  While this one didn’t make the actual cut, it was listed as an honourable mention.  It showed a clip of it right at the beginning of the chorus.  I’ll tell you that 4 or 5 second clip was enough to make me fucking love it.  The video is fucking awesome too.  Four chickmen walking through Iceland with deep looks on their faces.  Love it.  I want to do a video to one of my better ballads in which I am walking around looking tortured and deep.

These poor bastards can’t get any love from anyone who isn’t a teenage chick.  I get it.  They’re total babes.  Brandon Urie may not be completely gay but he’s definitely seen a few up close.  Fuck that.  These guys are fucking talented.  They write their songs.  I am not saying it’s all great.  I’ll even go as far as saying that they may not even know what the hell they’re even singing about half the time.  Northern Downpour is no exception.  The lyrics make little sense.  It’s just cadences and structures that sound pretty good.  Regardless, I love the fucking song.

West End Girls are a horrible fucking band.  One of them is the daughter of a member of that shitty Canadian band, Chilliwack.  Remember them?  Am I that old?  Anyway, I absolutely adore their cover of the Jackson 5 classic.  It’s a hard song to fuck up.  It’s literally one of the catchiest songs ever.  I do prefer the West End Girls version though.  The video too.  The butt ugly singers.  The horrible dancing.  This rendition just makes me feel so damn good.

God damn!  I’ll never forget when I first caught this video on the Chum 30 when I was a kid.  It seemed so fucking heavy back then.  I was already a rabid Duran Duran fan.  I was in the company of ten million chicks.  But Culture Club held a big spot in my heart too.  I didn’t know what the fuck Boy George was.  Boy?  Girl?  Really happy clown?  It didn’t matter.  This song never failed to get me off my ass and dancing.

I was going through a ballad phase.  It was a very dark time in my life.  I was 26 and at the end of my tether.  This song jumped on Much Music one day as I watched, strumming along with my acoustic guitar.  I had it cranked.  I loved it.  A friend showed up and laughed hysterically at me.  He called me about ten million names and ridiculed me for listening to Hanson.  I didn’t understand.  I loved what I was hearing.  He was making fun of me.  His ridicule wasn’t making me like the song any less.  Even to this day I am impossible to make fun of.  There are a few reasons.  A) I can do a better job of making fun of myself than an inferior twat like yourself.  B)  I’m a giraffe, motherfucker.  C)  Hanson has my back.

Another Hanson scenario.  Handsome brothers who can play their own instruments.  I can’t believe this song only has about 150,000 hits on Youtube.  I don’t know if it’s the Canadian element or what.  I wonder what ever happened to these guys.  I think they could have grown as musicians and out of the pop fluff they were playing.  I didn’t really like too much of their other stuff.  That I’ll Be There For You song of theirs was cute but I love Misery.  I loved it when it came out.  I love it now.

Anyway, I’m bagged.  All this typing and cutting and pasting takes longer than you think.  Do yourself a favour and listen to all these songs.  Or don’t.  Go back to your worthless lives trying to figure out how you can be the center of attention in all your useless endeavours.  Crank the Metallica and talk about they have sucked since the Black Album but hold on…. wait a second!…..  The new album is great!!  Oh my god!!!

METALLICA IS BACK!!!!

Le sigh.

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted by: Doug Hell on