Reinventing Bob Villa

Big fucking milestones.  One of them achieved.  Another one coming up.  January 1st will mark my first year of being smoke-free.  A year!  We’re talking about a jackass who smoked for 30 years!!  I don’t even crave cigarettes anymore.  I do enjoy vaping once in a while though.  Even more than I enjoy smoking.

Milestone achieved?  Not even close.  I’ve had Fallout 4 for over a year now.  I’ve logged in over 2000 hours.  I haven’t finished yet.  Why?  I’m hooked on building settlements.  I hate that I am hooked on building settlements because Preston Garvey drives me up the fucking wall.  But I love settlement building.  I have almost all of them completed and fully functional.  All my provisioners are well-armed robots.  They all run from The Castle to keep things less complicating.

Ok look I apologize.  This is gay.  I know.  You don’t come here to read about my settlements or channeling my inner Bob Villa.  It’s just….  Fallout 4 though.

On the bright side, I am a week away from being completely homeless.  At least it’s Christmas!  Well I have nowhere to go for that but at least I’m macho.  Last night I played at The General and got hit on all night by girls 20 years younger than me.  I AM VALID!!!!  I love my weekly gigs with An-dop dop Frederico.  Jesus fucking Christ.  I almost used Angus’s real name.  If the wrong person were to find out he would make a terrorist post about how he knows something that is common knowledge.  The last thing I need is the absolute traumatic horror of danger.  I HATE absolute traumatic horrifying danger.

So I’m rocking a tie dye shirt today.  I’ve recently lost all my clothes.  A few weeks ago I was in Walmart with Li- errrr dop fuck- Bruno and I had to buy a cheap red shirt.  Well I ended up wearing and sleeping in that shirt for three weeks.  I didn’t launder it once.  So yesterday when I was an An-errr dop dop – Frederico’s house, I borrowed a tie dye shirt off him.  I told him that I wanted to match him but in actuality I was just jonesing for a clean shirt.  Well I’ve been wearing it for over 24 hours now and yes I slept in it.

So one of my best friends in the world, Gav Nemertolnemnov, has moved back to Toronto.  I love Gav and always have loved Gav.  Even when we were younger and he was a petty thief, he never really fucked me over.  He and I had laughs like you wouldn’t believe.  I’m hoping he will do a Youtube or Podcast show with me.  He’s hilarious, witty, and one of extremely few who can hold their own with me when the riffing starts.  Sorry Gav, I realize I just make you a target but much like me, you can verbally spank any motherless fuck stupid enough to mambo with you.  Dana missers and skull thieves alike.

Thanks for tuning in guys.  Everything is going pretty awesome even with my imminent homelessness, lack of shirts, and ABSOLUTE FUCKING TERROR OF THE DEEPEST KIND!

If I don’t talk to you before Christmas I hope you all have a wonderful one.  That means every single one of you.  I mean that.  I love you all.

DH

Here is a picture of me after a week of no shower wearing the aforementioned stinky red shirt.

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One comment so far:

  1. T says:

    It’s Bob Vila. One “l”. Of course, I could be mistaking your artistic licence for reality. If so, mea culpa.

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Posted by: Doug Hell on