I Am Friday 15
Well that was balls. Joseph Poole, you are a poser and a parody of darkness. Your target demograph consists of teenagers, fat misfits, failed goths, and pseudo-badasses gone horribly wrong. How does that feel for you? While you’re singing songs about Frankenstein and Leatherface, I am keeping it real. Your fans are going to come to me when they turn eighteen. They’re going to want a real man of darkness, not a poser.
What the fuck were you even thinking? Who does that? Someone calls you out for being a pathetic waste of life, and you retaliate by calling your fans to arms in an attempt to bully me? Jesus fucking Christmas. Are you new? Sure. Assemble a bunch of fucking RETARDS who are only going to make you look worse, not to mention petty for going such lengths to set me straight. Are you one of those little bitches who can’t handle the thought of someone not liking you? Never mind all the fucking publicity it brought me. You only further cemented my reputation of the world’s biggest asshole.
I know if I were going to start a turf war in Australia, I wouldn’t send a bunch of Americans with Down Syndrome. You want to fight me, Joeseph? Call it. You wanna box? Let’s do it. You want a have a spelling bee? Let’s do it. Want to see who can get a better band onstage? Bring it on, Clownshoes. You want to bring your acoustic guitar and showcase your songwriting? I’m in. I will fucking spank you, son.
Way to use a formula that works. Dress up like Rob Zombie and Elvria’s bastard son. Sing about scary monsters. Act like a little toughass. Congratulations. You are making a generation of underage retards feel tough.
I’ll stick to being real. Me being real has earned the respect of your fans with above-average intelligence. They have joined the TRUE dark side. They want to be inspired by a real monster. Not a middle-aged cartoon character pretending he’s still in his twenties.
You’re a joke. I, Doug Hell, am calling Joseph Poole, man of cartoony darkness, best friend of Marilyn Manson, shitty singer, quasi-celebrity who can’t fill a club in Toronto, A FUCKING JOKE. What are you going to do about IT? Make another LYING post, calling on your dipshit fans to save the day? Awesome. More fodder. More publicity.
You must have a lot of time seeing you won’t ever have to write an acceptance speech for the rock and roll hall of fame.