Foolishly Believing Angels Compromise

There are two people who hate each other.  Each person wants to save the world all on their own.  But the world can be saved if only they work together.  Don’t think that is going to happen.  People are fucking shitty.  If they hate each other, they won’t work together even if it’s for a greater good.

Thankfully I don’t hate anyone.  I’m not a hater.  I’m not saying I wasn’t always a hater, but I learned probably too late in my life, that hate doesn’t work.  Hate is an albatross.   Hate will not solve any problems positively.  


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It’s a really unsettling fucking thing when you find out someone you believed to be true, to be an opportunistic fucking hag.  If there is one thing that vexes me, it’s an opportunistic fucking hag, and I have had firsthand experience with them my whole fucking life.  So I am an authority on opportunistic hags.

See I can ACCEPT this whole fucking time I was made out to be the miscreant.  And you know what?  I am.  I’ve sold drugs to feed myself.  I’ve beat the shit out of ex-boyfriends who hit my friend’s sisters.  I’ve done drugs for FUN.  I’ve bullied bullies.  I shoot my mouth off out of turn.  I say stupid shit that more often than not, that gets me into trouble and does more damage than good.  I am NOT a good person.

But you know what?  I’m fiercely loyal to the ones I love.  I may not be pretty.  I may be rough around the edges.  But at least I am real.  I’ve never kissed anyone’s ass in my life for monetary gain.  I’ve never not admitted when I was wrong.  I’ve never not apologized when an apology is in order.  I apologize and I apologize like a fucking man.  And I am REAL.

I’m also decent enough to be cordial with ANYONE who is cordial to me.  Whether I love you or dislike you, if you can be cordial to me I will take the mere 1.5 seconds it takes to be cordial back.  And whether I like you or not, I will always want you to be ok.

Just don’t fuck with people I love.  Opportunistic hags deserve to burn in a very special hell reserved for:

  •  people who chew loud
  • people who pass gas orally or anally in front of ANYONE
  • people who rely on any kind of substance to make their life more manageable
  • bullies
  • people who use terms like “hangry” and “sharted”
  • people who think out loud in front of us low latent inhibition disorder types
  • racists
  • people who don’t fucking signal when driving
  • pedophiles
  • mouth breathers

I’m sure you get the point.  If you don’t, then do.  I will help make you a better person.  You and you and you.

I know I can only look ahead.  And next time I need to be able to recognize someone who worries and only wants the best for someone they love.  I also need to recognize opportunistic hags posturing as a “friend”.

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Posted by: Doug Hell on