Fanged Apathy

I was too mortified to blog yesterday.  As I was frolicking behind the blissful wall of sleep, I heard a crack.  That crack was followed by varying degrees of cracks.  And each time there was a crack, the mattress sunk a little more.  Needless to say, I was wide awake at this point and thoroughly dejected.  With a final crack and a whomp, my side of the bed rested on the floor.

Well it was about all the motivation I needed to get to the gym.  I went into my kitchen and helped myself to some apples and grapes that were leftovers from the previous night’s snack.

I managed to walk to the gym without my cane.  That was a feat.  I am positive my walk was hilarious.  Imagine the site of a 6’4 mastodon lumbering down the street with a fat determined face carry a cute little tupperware container.

I got to the gym and hit it.  But before I hit it I did something I wasn’t looking forward to.  I weighed myself.  My face fell.  At least I am sure it did.  260.  I weighed more than the average professional wrestler.  Hell, I was the size of the average professional wrestler.  Only I didn’t have the fitness or kikyoface skills they have.  I was just a clambering bulk trying to make the world a better place by minimizing my involvement and staying out of the way.  Only now I was IN everyone’s way.

Then came the workout.  I have a workout that works for me.  Everyone is different.  A few years ago I had a really good trainer.  On day one I do back and biceps.  On day two I do chest and triceps.  On day three I do legs and shoulders.  I take a day off, and I repeat.  That is my workout.  I know you idiots are just dying to email me or I’m going to hear from my comment moderator about how I’m doing it all wrong or whatnot.  Save it.  Everyone’s physiology is different.

I do know what not to do.  When I was a kid I spent a fair amount of time in the slammer.  All everyone in there did was bench presses for some reason.  It was all about the bench presses.  I followed suit.   I thought I would do bench presses every day and get out and be huge!  Well that kinda worked.  Only when I got out my chest and triceps were huge.  I still carry this freakish shape today!

So today is chest and triceps.  I did a good job yesterday.  I didn’t pull anything.  Everything is a comfortable dull, but intense, ache today.

But I’m not going ANYWHERE until the Bell freak shows up.  Somehow we managed to miss him when we were moving in.  I don’t know how.  The front door was wide open.  The back door was wide open.

Come on internet!  This tethering from my phone is nothing short of a spectacular hellride.

Love hard.


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Posted by: Doug Hell on