You can’t just be a musician.  You’re not good enough.  You may be quippy.  You may know a lot about certain bands or be really good at keeping a straight face when you make a dry or sarcastic comment.  But you suck.  I’m not going to make fun of myself as a musician anymore.  I’ll make fun of myself for being a trainwreck, and an asshole, but not as a musician.  I’m a great fucking musician.

I was spoiled.  The first band I ever played in, was The Vapids.  It was trial by fire.  Jimmy and Scotty didn’t fuck around.  We would write songs in practice.  Jimmy would bring a song and we would play it.  No one was writing out tabs for anyone.  No one had to work on it at home or find time in their busy schedule.  It just got done.  We’d write a song in practice and play it live at our next show.

I’ve never ever played in a band that ran so smoothly since.  I’ve worked with extreme few who got it right away.  I can name all the people who got it right away.  There was no bullshit.  Jimmy, Scotty, LUMPY, Prentice, Father X, Sparkles, Edin, and Stoneman.  That’s it.  That’s not to say I haven’t played with others who don’t deserve an honourable mention.  There were some who may not have gotten it right away but they worked their fucking ass off to get it right, and fast.  Smiley, Flynn, Negator, Andy, Seger, and Sincade.  I can respect that.

But others?  What in the actual fuck?  Some people just have no sense of fucking urgency whatsoever.  Oh uh maybe I’ll learn the material one day.  Or they’ll learn it in rehearsal.  When you get into your forties you generally don’t have time to rehearse all the time.  You should learn the shit on your own time and come to that one rehearsal a week that you’re lucky to have, prepared.

I don’t care if you’re a nice guy prepared to tell jokes and try to be a funny guy in between songs.  Don’t waste my fucking time.  You can go right ahead and be a joker if you know the material.  If not, you’re only going to get gassed after one practice.  I don’t like my time being wasted.

Doug Hell is not a fascist.  I just need things to groan about.  You want to hear about how great my day was?  Not really.  Although I am not going to come out here and dredge my own hardships so you can laugh at me either.  BALANCE!  ARGH!

I’m not ever sure how much longer I’m going to have this site up anyway.  All it does is provide access to me.  I don’t want you to have access to me.  That’s what Facebook is for.  And that gets wearisome more often then not.  These mediums worked great when I wanted to get under people’s skin just for the mere sake of getting under their skin.  But getting under people’s skin has really lost its shine.  I don’t know if it’s because I am getting old, or it’s just getting plain tedious.

I used to pride myself on my innate talent for inspiring good people and angering bad people.  But that ship has sailed.  No one is all good or all bad.  Who knows what kind of day they had.  Who knows what kinda life they have lived?  What gives me the lordly right to decide who’s good or bad.  This who money catastrophe I recently experienced really humbled me.   God bless all of you who helped me out.  And God bless those who tried.

I’m not a bad person.  I wasn’t about to take anymore than I needed.  I gave everyone who donated my entire album collection.  There are still many more Doug Hell albums to come.

I’m more excited about this band I have going now though.

Thanks for tuning in guys.  I know I say this a lot but I am actually amidst making a movie right now and I need volunteers for it.  I can’t pay you but you’ll be a part of history.

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