I realize things have been quiet. I’ve been floundering in my second midlife crisis. I’m poor as dirt and relying on the kindness of others to get by. I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility to be emotionally present for the ones I love. The end of 2017 was emotionally heavy and humbling. Life has a funny way of spanking your psychology when you’re not paying attention.
Maybe my purpose is to scrape by and do the best I can to be clearheaded for the dear ones.
I know I’ve said this ten million times before, but I’m not Doug Hell. I’m Doug Hill. Doug Hell is nothing more than a bad idea and something to hide behind when I’m too weak to deal with life, which is almost always. You’re right to not think much of Doug Hell. Doug Hell is shitty, mean, arrogant, and disgusting. But he comes in handy when the flowers become screams.
I’m involved in various musical projects right now. None of them involve Doug Hell. I’m playing guitar and singing in a couple bands. I’m still creating soundtracks that will likely never see the light of day. I know I’m good. Great even. I know I hold the magic when it comes to song, but as long as Doug Hell lives, there will always be bridge burning in all the right places.
This isn’t one of my predictable impeachments of Doug Hell. Doug Hell will always be a reality in some form. I think I just need to be thankful of my time away from him.
It’s fun being involved in other musical projects that don’t involve me dictating. I ruined so many good bands with my tyrannical ways. I’m trying to involve myself in things that would survive without me. I’m trying not to make hard decisions on passionate whim.
We’ll see how the year goes. I’m going to try and can the mean memes and stick to inspirational ones. I’m going to try with everything to be the dominating personality in this parody of my dual self. I want to see if my life changes for the better. I’m not complaining about my life now. I’m happy and in love. I have great friends and love the music I am making. But I know I can be better. I know I can become a better person. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied. I’ll always want to be better. Two years ago I quit smoking completely. I’ve had about 5 beers since 2016. This will be the year I achieve physical health.
Thanks for checking in, friends.