Won’t you die for me again?

Doug Hill is a pussy.  Ok I get the whole thing about Wednesday 13, and being out of line for piping off about something misunderstood.  Great.  But that doesn’t change the fact Wednesday 13 is a cartoon character.  It doesn’t change the fact that anyone who could emotionally invest themselves into a 40 something year old man singing about Dracula and other boogeymen, is a creatively bankrupt fucktard with no redeeming qualities as a human being.

It was disgusting reading through that big weepy apology blog.  Doug Hill may have the class I lack, but I have the fucking balls that he lacks.

There is nothing to worry about here folks.  The W13 fans are kids looking for a man of darkness.  Because they’re young and stupid they think that Wednesday 13 might be it.  But when they realize they’re being fooled they will turn to a true man of darkness.  Me.

So you’ve noticed my album section has been updated.  Awesome.  It sure as hell took long enough.  You guys are ridiculously patient.  I’m not expecting the albums to sell en mass.  People stopped giving shit about my music when they realized I was a better shit disturber and literary orator.  No one listens to music anymore.  They’re more interested in Facebook, and selfies.  The internet has given everyone the power to be someone.

Regardless, every one of those albums are a riveting listen from front to back.  If you take the time to listen (you won’t) you’ll be my bitch.  My words and melodies will hold you hostage while you stare off taking in the magic better used against disgusting orcs.  You won’t listen though because you don’t like me.  I’ve come to realize that when people don’t like you they won’t even give your art a chance because they want to spite you.  I’ve also learned however, that even though you don’t want me to know you’re watching and listening, you’re still watching and listening.  That makes you a fan.  Some love my art.  Some are a tad fucking obsessed.  Some want to watch me die.  Because I’m right.  Because I can see.

When A Madman Loves A Woman

When A Madman Loves A Woman is my third album.  It was also a social experiment of sorts.  I adjusted my attitude a little to pander to the social norm.  I smiled more.  I was nice to people.  I hung on their every world in spite of the satellite debris coming out of their mouths.  I went out.  I socialized.  I enlisted local musicians to participate in the album.

The shireky bitch you hear at the beginning of the album is my ex-girlfriend, Jacyntha Morahan.  The fiddle you hear is Jason Osborne.  While not a shrieky bitch, he qualifies as an ass kissing yes man people pleaser .  The back-up vocals in Voices is notorious gold-digger, opportunist, liar, and all around shitty human being, Lindsay Blake.  The lead guitar you hear in Voices is one of my best friends, Andreas Goolgielmo.  The haunting backups you hear in Dig Up Her Bones, and A Psychopath’s London, is Lindsay Schoolcraft from Cradle Of Filth.

I really worked the album.  Despite the shoddy production I worked it.  But I got a little lucky too…

One night just before Christmas I was in the studio with Billy Blakoma right before Christmas.  He owed me money for blow and I decided to forgive the debt if he recorded a song for me.  That song would be Bloom.  That was the song that changed my life.  While we were recording, radio personality, Matt Diamond, stopped by and heard Bloom.  Between me and you cunts, Bloom is not one of my better songs.  It doesn’t even crack the top ten.  It is an extremely weepy anti-ballad.

Matt Diamond loved it.  He would go on to play it on his show.  That was it.  It ended up in heavy rotation on The Rock.  People started knowing me.  I didn’t even play the song in my live set if it wasn’t requested.  But it was requested a lot.  Somehow the haunting ballad sang flat would be a monster hit for me.  I went on to sell 2000 copies of When A Madman Loves A Woman with absolutely no label support.  None.  I would have sold a hell of a lot more too but I stopped printing copies.

It was pathetic.  Everyone wanted to be my friend at that point.  My parents even started being nice to me.  The whole thing was a farce.  My life was changing and people were being different toward me because of a stupid song.  The quasi-celebrities of Durham started accepting me.  I was invited to all the “better” parties.

I rebelled.  I refused to play Bloom live.  My live show got very confrontational.  I toured with obnoxious loudmouth Mr. Plow.  This isn’t a slight on Plow.  But Plow was an obnoxious comedy act.  I vowed I would outdo him in the obnoxious department.  We were a different kinda obnoxious, but obnoxious nonetheless.  I intentionally missed shows on the tour.  It was shitty of me.  In hindsight all I was doing was fucking Plow over.

It didn’t take long for me to alienate my new fan base who appreciated the Bloom side of Doug Hell.

My next album, Standing Outside My Dementia, was revenge.  It embraced my fuckedupwithery.  It was a taunt.  It was a challenge.  It was released with absolutely no fanfare.  And it’s a superior album to the contrived When A Madman Loves A Woman.  I love all my records, but when I think of Madman I just think of all the bullshit it inspired.

I have to be real.  I refuse to fucking modify myself so that I am a little more socially efficient.  I can’t do it.  It’s not in my programming.

Fuck you all if you can’t live with that.  I’m a man of honour.  I never throw the first punch.  I just finish it.  Wednesday 13 may be the odd exception but he  is a creepy little flotsam.

It’s about being real.  It’s about being objective.  You’re a cunt if you can’t admit when you’re wrong.  You’re a cunt if you can’t apologize when an apology is due.  Be decent.  But most importantly be you.  You may be defective.  You may have darkness.  Some of you may have the desire to fuck small boys or crush the skulls of puppies.  I’m sorry but you can’t do those things.  Whether it’s “ok” or not to have those urges is irrelevant.  You can’t be faulted for your psychological orientation.  But guess what.  If you act on your dark urges, you’re a fucking coward who should be shot and pissed on. You fucking pussy. There are people all over the world who have dark urges that don’t act on them because it’s not RIGHT.  Be a hero.  Be a man of honour.  If you have the uncontrollable urge to rape and murder, and you DON’T, the you have incredible constitution and respect for humanity.  I will shake your hand.

To all you assholes who like to fistfight every time you’ve had a little too much to drink or you just like to hurt people and swing your dick, fuck you too.  You’re a pussy.  Violence is a loser’s imitation of strength.  The mentally ill person is the toughguy.  The person who fights daily battles internally and does their best to exist is the toughguy.

Wow.  It’s funny how tangenty I can get.  But that is ok.  That’s why you’re here right?  What’s this idiot gonna go on about next?  Which one will he be today?

Take what you can and mosey.

Love and light people.  I may not have it but it doesn’t mean I don’t want the best for you.

Love Hell

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