I’m still struggling with my mental health in a big way.  But I think I’m winning.  Exercise diet fucking,  Blah blah blah.

Putting a band together is hell.  No one will ever be good enough.  I don’t know how a guy like Anton Newcombe can put together a 15+ piece band being the epic asshole that he is.  Personally, I admire him and love his attitude.

That’s not great for me.  I firmly believe that anyone who is fortunate enough to play music with me should do what I want them to do.  I’m in an elite class of songwriters.  I belong with the ranks of Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Brian Wilson, and Brian Fallon, to name a few.  But just saying that out loud earns you instant ire.  And even worse?  I don’t really like Bob Dylan or John Lennon.

I can’t do anything it life right.  I’m a failure.  But I can write a song.  Unfortunately my mental health and despicable attitude keep me alone.

I would love music to sustain me but it isn’t ever going to happen.  I would honestly rather people hear me and be destitute that have them adore me with the light shining down on them.  That’s what it’s about.  I’m not doing this for the accolades.  There are a lot of people listening from the shadows.  That’s great.

I have shows coming up and cringe at the idea.  I can’t stand playing live.  I don’t even like broadcasting live from home.  I don’t like people looking at me in general.

Ok so this is important.  I’m going to stop gatekeeping my own music.  I’m going to put it all up in a section when I can afford the motivation.  It might not be every Tom, Dick, and Harry I ever recorded but there will be an archive.